Back in time...

The girl with the "Amo" name is me

Most of the times I get picked on with kids back when I was young, the reason why I tried so hard pleasing people. Kids laugh at me all the time. I was so afraid they would laugh at me again that I never tried singing in stages when I was in grade school and accepted that I just belong singing in bathrooms and showers. But I was determined to learn instruments so I tried borrowing guitar to a friend of mine without my mom knowing. I did this until high school. I remember those nights, I would make sure that my mom is asleep and after that I would go to a certain room where I hid the guitar that I borrowed and play it. I taught myself how to play every instrument that I know except for the drums because Faye(One of my closest friend) and one of my uncle's friend helped me. So I just tried keeping everything about me to people. I was so sad at those times that even my mom doesn't know. I thought I could fix everything but I was wrong. Until it was graduation and high school came around. I went into an all-girls school and I thought the bullying part was over but then again I was wrong. The bullying went worse than I thought. I'm more confident around guys its just I grew up like that and plus if your around with random type of girls, they have this "insecurity issues". I admit I have my insecurities but theirs is just to exaggerating. All they talk about is their crushes, make ups, dresses, boyfriends and a never ending boredom stories. I'm a music addict type of a girl. I love having headphones around my ears, saved me from back stabbers all these years. Its tested and proven try it sometime and I'll guarantee that you'll feel like your on top of the world.(lol. xD) I tried smiling every hour, every minute of everyday as much as I could. It was hard faking smiles, trying to push myself to people that I'm a happy person but deep inside I was hurting. At first their jokes about me was funny but it wasn't funny anymore when they were teasing me things that would not help me grow everyday.

The one with the yellow shirt is me

There was a classmate of mine noticed my not so happy side and she began calling me EMO. That is the last thing that I wanna hear to people, she doesn't even know me or what Ive been through. But anyways I survived in those times. I'm trying so hard not to let them show that I was so unhappy. When I was in 2nd year high school I started joining in a band. I was quite happy for them to invite me to be their vocalist, who wouldn't want that?. That was the time that I really felt like I'm being myself for once in my life. The feeling of like you don't have to prove anything to people. Luckily we won every battle. And every battle that we won is every relationship that I failed. I was not really lucky in love. Though I never expected that I will have some one in my life at those times.I never really had the person that I truly love and I never expected that person would be the one who'll break my heart. But I guess that's life people come and go and letting go means you must learn how to move on.

High school and middle school for me will always be that bitter but sweet, just like everybody else but in a different situation of course. "No one leaves high school unscathed" But past is past what's important is the present because what your molding right now is the building of your future. That's how the formula goes you just have to open your mind to simple details in life coz what's simple is the most important of them all, your HAPPINESS.

Growing up was never easy...

When I was a kid I always thought things were easy. Just like picking my favorite color, or making friends with just one "hello", or even smiling. But when life decided to let me see what was beyond my innocence, I pushed myself harder to pick the best color of them all, or not trusting anyone or even faking a smile to everyone. I never had stable friends or even close friends. I was never a favorite, I always got bullied, I always try hard in school but still not making it and most of all I am always clumsy at everything, funny how fate has locked my luck. I don't know why people always make fun of me its like every time they see me they always have something to say, things that are bad. Growing up was never easy, being a grown up is much harder but it doesn't mean I wanna go back. I wanna be where I am now, not hiding nor hating but just being myself. How did I do it? I say "Let it go". You'll never move forward unless you  learn to let lose the past behind you. You'll never change what its done but you have the chance to live life, and by that it means fixing what has been broken. I always believe that there's more to life than just being miserable. But I'm not saying that my life is perfect, it has its ups and downs too just like you, just like everybody else. What some people didn't understand is that life wants us to wake up, life is honest. But still certain people say that life is shitty, life sucks and tried to blame life to their broken dreams and broken hearts and through that people hurt and lie to other people, but these reasons are just to whom who are playing safe and selfish. I never said that I never did it, but that's the thing that I should have never done.

When I grew up I learned so many things in life, do you know what's the only thing that can lead you to failure? Its the fear to follow ones heart. Life is pointless and do you know what God wants us to find? Money? no, big houses? no, Education? no to be rich and famous? Definitely no. The only thing that He wants us to find is happiness, and I admit that I'm still on the hunt. That's the reason why even though you have the money in the world and if you hear them people say that they are happy with it, in reality those are the people who are really lonely. As what they say "Important things in life aren't things". 

Life is really full of surprises, its the way it is. Don't think that your unfortunate to have it. Life just wants you to be stronger. So whatever comes your way take it as a challenge and be positive. Before I never appreciated what I have I didn't have friends but I have the best of friends, and I trust them. I thought my parents didn't love me but I realized that all this time everything they did for me to have a good life is because they love me. So learn to appreciate things that you thought you didn't have. Live life and love God that's all what it takes.